Google… Now you too?

So I was engrossed in my research related to crime in a cold cold night with the help of the God of internet– Google. And this is what made me forget all the nightmarish assignments the Google God helped me sailing through in micro second. I used to think that I would always be indebted to Google for saving my life all these years. Instead the Fiend of fury took over me and I logged in to wordpress.

Kindly have a look at the link.

http://i48.tinypic.com/j6h4t4.jpg

Wedding’s Anatomy.

Before you start reading my another ________ (fill only gracious adjective in the blank) write up, let me warn you this one is nothing about being “philosophical” about nothing or thinking-out-of-the-box to spoil the charm or getting worked-up on the stuff related to my country etc.

It is very random. It is pretty typical. It is quite debauch. So if you happen to be a moral police or intense reader then kindly close your window since it’s about the oldest subjects to “ponder” over among us womankind — not -so -dear -relatives. Well yeah! I am a very ordinary girl who doesn’t care about family values yada yada yada. But in my defense, this blog is ALL I got to vent out my vexation. Honest I mean whenever I am encountered by them, they give a very careful gaze at me, throw some scoffing remarks, then join heads and discuss very interesting matters.

No I am not implying to be a naïve victim who is quashed by her Cinderella’s step mother and sisters like relatives. Well certainly not after my deplorable display of persuasion about relations in the virtual world. I mean it’s been years that I have boycotted the visits and events of nominal importance. But there is much choice when there is a “close” relative wedding is taking place and you are required to go more than the bride herself. And similar is my situation, there is this wedding coming and I HAVE to go, there is just no room to skip it. Now if you are thinking that I am making mountain of a mold as weddings are fun and a nice medium to show off your cloths and chit chat. Then you are mistaken. Let me expound to you the variety in relatives prevalent in our society. Then decide yourself if my resistance is justifiable or not.

So here it goes,

The front sofa sitters: They are basically comprised of the most influential people of the family. Well they can solve issues ranging from Kashmir dispute to subvert Talibinization to National Health Care Program for the US to famine across South Africa to what not. They also happy to foresee and foretell that US of A would soon invade Iran and other morbid to-happen stuff. Yeah what the think tanks can not do is done in there. High IQ’s , even higher egos. They are the first ones you are supposed to say your Salam to. And it doesn’t end there. It is mandatory for you to narrate all your “pragmatic” career plans and how enthusiastic you are about it. Once they are satisfied, you have to keep sitting to listen very engrossingly for their precious ideas on how-to-make-the-world-a-better-place until they are completely devoid of your existence. Then you get up quietly and move to the next in the row.

The owners of A graders: For people like me, they are the wrath of God. I as a matter of fact grew up hating them. These kinds don’t even care about exchanging pleasantries. All they want to share with you is that how well their most intelligent and bright kid has have done in his/her recent exams. How much he is expected to get a position AGAIN. Oh and by the way that kid also happens to be spectacular in extra curricular activities, s/he has won many inter school/college/university and international competitions and where s/he secured the second place well, the jury was biased there. Not only that, the kid is also very well behaved, gentle and immune to any puckishness [read: no fun, plain bore]. They have the world goodest (?) kid in the world.

Oh and by the way whenever you visit such kinds place, they are quick to tell their bright kid to show his/her mark sheet filled with A’s and the numerous certificates they got. And the kid with the full fledge grin come running to you with piles of paper which you are supposed to look at with you {struggling) smile and then throw a considerable amounts of flattery to show how tamed you are, after learning the innate brilliance of the kid. Subsequently, on the way back home, on every day of your results and every day of your misdeed, the A grader example is cited to insult your vanity.

Well frankly speaking, I only nod in response to the A graders’ family outrageous flaunt and leave whenever I get my golden chance.

25-years-marriage-must-syndrom people: They are mostly found in the mid table—from where the view is vivid and clear, laughing out loudly, commenting on the others, showing concern on the rate of divorce and the unmarried girls sitting at homes waiting for good proposals. If you happen to be single and have crossed the digit 18, beware you are their favorite part of the meat. They are anxious for your mother’s arrival to get to know whether you have complete studies or how many years to go. And then accordingly they start their enlightened talk on the importance of the institution of marriage. For them maturity or qualification don’t really matter as it all up to Allah. After all they themselves got married at the age of sweet 16, and see how well they brought up their kids who are settled abroad and now they are free from any responsibility. And now their aim of life is to get every girl on this planet married before she reaches the danger age of 25. As after 25 you don’t get proposals at all. Excellent convincers they are. Your mother remains charmed for days afterwards. And you in severe neurotic disorder.

The curious case of snoopy mothers and sisters: Well if you happen to be an only child or daughter or from a rather well off family then you are in big trouble. They are hunting for thou. No you can’t avoid them. They are going to get you anyways. They will welcome you wholeheartedly, ask you questions in a very friendly manner, of which they already had answers provided by their “network.” And right after in their same gracious expression they don’t hesitate to divulge about their son/brother who is a “has-been-A-grader” (explicated earlier) and presently working in a multinational company is single and ready to get mingle. Your mother who had freshly learned the 25-years-marriage-must doctrine becomes more engaged in the conversation. And you with your head bent, trying to stop yourself turning all red, pray for 7.1 Richter scale earth quake!

Ruffled relatives: You are only supposed to listen in their company. They are not happy people. They like to reside in the state of ailment for various reasons. For instance, if they are not called for getting pictured videoed with the bride, if they were informed late about the wedding, if they were not sought for the advice regarding wedding chores, if they weren’t granted the amount of respect they deserved in the wedding and you can imagine the rest.

They will vent out all the vexation of the hosts on you. And expect you to nod and say that they are right on their part.

Love birds finally to their nest: They are usually found in couples. They are keen to tell the world their story of love, determination and subsequently a long-battle-fought-with-their-conservative-parents. They are capable of narrating their fairy tale umpteenth times. They are so much in the clutches of their wedding event as very unwittingly everything in the present ceremony reminds of their big day. And yeah how BETTER it was with this one.

You don’t need to put much effort to vanish from the scene. They are only interested in you till they are finished with their story of love, determination and subsequently a long-battle-fought-with-their-cruel-parents.

The family bullies: They are the ones which make you beg God to pardon murders. They are the ones who bring out the wrecking instincts in you. They are the ones who broke all your toys, beaten you, always make you to do fielding all day while playing cricket and all other types of oppression one can do in childhood.

They are mostly found in gangs. They have innate caliber of making fun of anything on/ about/related/belonging to you. No matter how sophisticated you look, they can coin very “interesting’ names for you in micro seconds.

They only good thing about the family bullies are that they can make suicide fancy for you.

And there are many other types. But the mentioned and reflected upon are the mainstream oness. At least it would give you a fine idea about the culture of wedding. So do you concur that it is wise for me not to attend the up coming wedding?

And the moral of the joke is…

A wife complained to her hubby…

Wife : Remember that bagger, he is such an #%@#%@#%@#”
Hubby:  Why what happened honey?
Wife”  I gave him some food yesterday and today he brought me a book as a gift “How to be a cook”

I am sure most of you have heard and had a hearty laugh at this very joke.

I bet my MQM vote that the humor in this joke and subsequently a derisive laughter lay in the assumption that the wife is an execrable cook here.

But if you examine closely, no where the joke says that the food was cooked by the wife or so. In fact the scope of this joke is very broad as I see it.

I mean the very fact that wife narrating the whole bagger being affluent enough not only to buy a cooking book but also gifting it to the house where he had food previously, to her husband shows that her “greater” half has something to do with the incident.

What I gather is that it’s actually the husband who cooked the food, perhaps there was some special occasion like wedding anniversary. He decided to serve it to his loving and beautiful wife to please her as he knows very that all year without taking any offs or getting any increment or promotion, she cooks for him with all her heart. But as he doesn’t have the innate quality of being multitasking, he failed and what was cooked was lousy enough to even be eaten by the beggar.

Now here begins the wife’s role. She is a very loyal and loving wife who has dedicated all her life for not-good-for-cooking husband. Now when the food was dished out, she being a loving, caring and understanding couldn’t express how terrible the husband cooked and she ate some of it. Also I think she being in love, lied to her husband about how well he cooked. Later at night when her hubby went to sleep, she took out that food and kept it aside, contemplated throwing it into the trashcan but then thought to give it to some beggar.

We know what the naughty beggar did.

And naturally she being in love couldn’t take her hubby’s diss very well evidently and started cussing.

Hmm?

Well I am sorry for ruining the joke. But nothings wrong with thinking out of the box.

Have a nice day.

Forgiveness : An evil belief.

Forgiveness: An interesting noun which is sought or granted. Ironically, the latter bit is taken for granted most of the times, especially when the counterpart is your loved one. And the consciousness of it is malefic.

It makes you assert and execute stuff which would later make you seek forgiveness which you know will be granted anyhow.

It makes you say all that abrasive verbiage which you know you are going to lament later for it is directed towards the person you love with all your heart. But you utter all that filth because it would be granted when sought.

It makes you carry out such vicious activities which you never had in your wildest dreams. That rogue voice in your head reverberates; “Go ahead! Don’t miss the chance. You can always seek forgiveness later ha ha ha” and you move with the resonance for the consciousness of to be granted forgiveness anytime you sought.

You know it all. You realize it all. But you never seem to be doing anything regarding it all, except for seeking that taken for granted forgiveness.

Forgiveness: An interesting act of cloaking guilt. Guilt of hurting someone you genuinely love. Guilt of tormenting someone you actually care about. Guilt of stooping low in your own eyes for scathing the feelings of someone you truly care for and love. .

Loving someone is like taking denominator position, getting cancelled up to a time of being invisible and there is just one whole number left. Everything takes a back seat including your own self. And you can only think, say and do stuff your loved one, loves.

But forgiveness, this malefic conscious has to pull our strings and makes us perform on its rhythm like a puppet.

No matter how effete it becomes after a point, forgiveness is always there in your dictionary to be used to catalyze certain lines and make them at least apparently straight.

Forgiveness showcases everything all fine. Even when it shouldn’t be.

Forgiveness is an evil belief.

Forgiveness, this evil belief has to obtrude itself upon us.

Forgiveness is a root cause of evils. Forgiveness is an evil belief.

For pure love to live in the heart, this belief should be abolished.