I go to work only to come back. Thanks to Karachi kay halaaat. Now I don’t know what to do at home. I miss my waila self… more than that I miss how despite being waili I used not to get bored. Good ol’ days. Anyways, since I didnt know what to do, I started fiddling some old folders and found THIS…So thought to share with all my readers(?)…
On my 1st birthday with Dada (grandfather). He couldn’t attend the birthday party but later that night he came, it was a surprise. So my mum dolled me up again in the same birthday dress and then this picture was taken.
In my childhood, I used to be unapologetic about the fact that I was a tomboy.
I am just 4/5 days old in this. Mum thinks that I have a way of rolling eyes and have always been good at maintaining eye contact, even in my infancy.
Let’s face it I am one of the most prettiest kids you have ever seen. You would rarely come across a few months old kid whose features are as visible as mine were. I wish only I were not a victim of God’s prank– “Pretty kids grow ugly”…
And speaking of which…
I know, she’s hell beautiful and I am ugly as hell. Yeah, I didnt take after her. But CAN YOU BLAME ME? She should have stood infront of the mirror 24/7 when she was expecting me. This is all her fault. I KNOW it’s too late… But I can’t help it. Look at those eyes, that complexion, this baby face shape, the grace, these soft features…LOOK AT HER… I wanna have it all…. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…….!!!!!!!!!
Never forgiving you Ammi. Despite you are beautiful.
Safari Park. My most favorite place in childhood, I used to love hanging out there. And I would look forward to feed ducks popcorns in this pond.
I wish, I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO wish I could now smile as confidently to the camera as I do in this pic. Hell, I wish I were as confident while getting pictured as I am in this picture. And ofcourse, enjoy the Arabian Sea as much.
I am hardly 3 years old and so studious see :)
I am joking… I am hardly 3 and posing. My camera conscious self now yearns for THIS Aabi.
Quetta. I was 5 years old and it was first time in my life, I travelled in AEROPLANE.
1. The too cool to be on Facebook:
Facts: S/he has finally created a Facebook account under peer pressure. But refuses to log in to something as lame as Facebook as social networking sites are a waste of time. S/he only logs in when something important (mind you, by her/his standards) is up, or after being urged by each and every friend in her/his list.
Grounds: In reality s/he’s either a front sitter (in class) or at a high designation (at work) OR who strives for either of the two but failed. *Go figure*
Prayer: Stop urging or giving “Oh-look-who-is-online” in awe liners. Don’t serve his/her/their purpose.
2. The “liker” loser:
Facts: The tile is self explanatory. This loser is liking everyone’s pictures and statuses, even if you are his/her friend or not, talk to her/him or not, want him/her to like your picture or status or not, make it pretty obvious that s/he irritates you or not (?), s/he’s needed to or not. There are times, when nobody (Not even no.3 or 4) likes your status, picture etc, s/he comes to the rescue.
Grounds: S/he is actually that maila/maili, THARKEE, cheap, easy and available sort in real life who you gather courage to talk to only on humanitarian grounds.
Prayer: You avoid her/him/them in real life you kindly don’t take their “likes” or “you-are-so-pretty” comments seriously at Facebook as well. And if her/his/their likes and comments flatter you, then I am not even sorry to say, you fall in the same category.
3. The fan:
Facts: S/he is your best friend/cousin/your admirer. Best friend/cousin likes your every picture/status but feel obliged to own you every now and then. However, your admirer would like/comment every picture and status without even having an inch of idea what it is about.
Ground: That’s what best friends/cousins/ admirers do in person as well. They like you appreciate you and encourage you.
Prayer: You do the same. And you probably do. Which is good.
4. The silent pact wala/wali/walay/waliyan friend(s):
Facts: You are not even friends with each other, but you like and comment every picture and statuses as if you are all each others’ most favorite person in the world. There is a silent pact you-like-my-picture-and-status-and-i-like-yours and it’s forfacebookever.
Grounds: You hardly interact in person, and when you do, your conversation dies out after a few seconds. You have nothing but a hi and a howdy to say to each other. At times when you cross each other, you pretend that you didn’t see them.
Prayer: Don’t make it too obvious. People notice.
5. The so called popular friend:
Facts: S/he is Facebook friends with almost everyone you could possibly know. S/he PROVES six degrees of separation. You search her/her/it and she/he has her/him/it in her/his friends list. That’s your Facebook sorority. And trust me some guys pull it off even better.
Grounds: Either the socialites with better PR and even better jobs/internships, or the no.2.
Prayer: If they are socialites, try at least be nice to them if you can’t be friends with them. You might feel green about how they manage to match frequencies with others and the fact that they are doing better in life and happier than thou, but that’s their quality. Appreciate. IF no.2 then do as mentioned above.
6. The wannabe anti-social:
Fact: S/he is on every freaking social networking site, Facebook, twitter, instagram? Etc. Interacts with lots of random people and “virtual friends” on daily basis. Keep jumping to one site to another in hope to find a comment, like, tweet etc about/addressed to her/him. AND professed being anti social, loner, reversed, misfit and what not.
Grounds: S/he is always claiming and cribbing about how difficult it is for her to interact with people and get people flummoxed. IF that’s the case, how come s/he is (me)talking for so long?
Prayer: ASK s/he/them BLUNTLY, if they are THAT anti-social then how come they are on every “social” networking site? And talking to so many people at the same time? Hope they don’t expect bots on the other side of the computer screen, interacting with them? An anti-social person SHUNS contact (any sort of) with people. Just so you know VIRTUAL AND REAL. Consult dictionary if any doubt.
7.The forever alone:
Fact: A depressed soul with even more depressed and well, deeper statuses and pictures without a single humor bone. God hates her/him. Yo Mama hates her/him. Everyone hates them. S/he has a god forsaken blog. S/he is forever alone. S/he wants to commit suicide, at least, as per their statuses and pictures but doesn’t have enough guts. Pray that one day, s/he could.
Grounds: That awkward and social inept soul whose existence you don’t notice or well weren’t even aware of.
Prayer: KINDLY pay some. Or stop asking “what’s exactly is her/his masla?”, “why is s/he like that?”. PUH LEEZ.
8. The talented friend:
Fact: A painter, doodler, writer, photographer etc. With some REAL good work. Always putting those up, modestly. Already have a fan page, and you are already requested to join it. Or secretly hope to have one.
Grounds: Teachers/seniors have already given the dudette enough recognition. People go to him/her when they have to ask something or get done something related to her/his talent.
9. The friend with a DSLR:
Fact: S/he has a DSLR. S/he thinks s/he has an eye for photography.
Grounds: Always showing off her/his DSLR or putting up “natures” pictures taken from her/his DSLR. Because s/he thinks s/he has an eye for photography.
Prayer: S/he doesn’t have an eye for photography, all s/he has is DSLR. Tell her/him, you actually have DSLR. Get her/him out of her/his delusional world. Apnay liye, quam kay liye.
10. The Facebook revolutionary:
Fact: Either extremely religious or heathen. S/he reacts to everything that is happening to every nook and corner of the world, vehemently, at Facebook. The religious one wants to conquer the US, spread Islam there, ONCE s/he gets a visa and wants to work for muslim ummah by sitting on Facebook. And the heathen refuses the notion of nationalism, believes in humanity and wants to bring peace in Congo through Facebook.
Grounds: Most class-speakers, especially in history, social studies, liberal arts etc. Lunch break, smoke break or I-am-taking-a-break-whenever-I-get-a-chance at workplace speakers, they are your walking talking newspaper.
Prayer: Sit in their company when you don’t have time to read newspaper. Always say “Oh yea I know about it”, “I know”, “I know, I know” when they tell you anything. Don’t satisfy their ego.
11. The tough one:
Fact: S/he hardly adds anyone. S/he has very few “friends” in her/his friends. S/he interacts even with fewer. S/he might add you, out of courtesy, but chances are s/he will delete you after sometime when s/he thinks you are not needed or might not meet in person ever again.
Grounds: S/he is the tough sort, hard to be friends with in real life. Let her/ him be.
Prayer: Don’t take it personal. S/he is not adding you not because s/he hates you or anything but there is no point of adding for the sake of it. S/he is not interested in the events taking place in your life, so you might as well, return the favor.
12. The pretentious pious friend:
Fact: Mainly consist of females. She is the sort who is always sharing hadiths and quranic verses and putting up pictures which exhibits her love for Allah Subhana wa taala and His last prophet alongwith her picture, having her head covered with scarf and her face covered with make up.
Grounds: Bringing islam in everything wrong others do, bringing islam in everything right she does. Always making a point to show how much she obeys Allah, and doing whatever she does outta pure reverence. She is a conservative, old fashioned soul who has a strong faith.
Prayer: Point out ALL unislamic and “liberal” things that she does (like putting her picture, exposing her pretty face, interacting with random males on social networking sites, putting make up to look appealing, music, movies etc etc) which for sure she does and question her reverence, obedience and how NOW she’s the better one?
13. The photoshopped friend:
Fact: S/he every second day changes his/her picture and putting a brand new and evidently photoshopped one. It seems that her/his life revolves around camera. They eat, sleep, drink camera. S/he goes out of their way and makes extra and every effort to look good. And they do, IN THE PICTURE –HAH—thanks to the photoshop.
Grounds: You talk in secrecy about them with your best friends and sometimes, THEIR enemies, “s/he photoshop-s her/his pictures, else in person s/he is below average looking”, “hahahaha, wonders of photoshop or make up or fancy poses”, “Abay yaar yeh itna/itni gori tu nai, iss picture mai kaisayyyyyyyyyyyyy????”
Prayer: When you are bored, like and comment oh-you-look-oh-my-god-in-this-pic and then wink at your friend. And then do some fun talking.
14. The stalker:
Fact: S/he keeps silent. Doesn’t let you know how many times s/he visits your wall to check on your pictures, statuses, your comments, your conversations with your friends, you updates etc. You are her/his obsession in boredom. S/he badly needs a job. And a life.
Grounds: You may find her/her staring at you, or get to you that you were being discussed by her/him or there are chances that by mistake s/he likes your older statuses or pictures.
Prayer: Detect her/her if you can and DELETE. Or if you catch her/him, then delete AND block.
Facts: Information about the personality.
Before you ask: Used to be 1. Now 3,4,7 and 11. Fear that one day will also be 13 :D
Right now I am feeling bad about myself. And I don’t know why. May be it’s the hour of the night or it could be in the air. It just hit me, it’s been long that anything happened or being said to me or done for/to me that would boost my ego. Whatever. I am feeling blue.
Blue, the color most people like and almost everyone likes to wear. I did too, until recently. I realized that I look bad in blue. It doesn’t suit me at all it’s the color not for me. I never noticed that how bad I look in blue. And understandably so, I mean who doesn’t like blue? Who doesn’t have blue? It’s the color for X to Z gender. Everyone likes, has and wears it, thinking that they look good. I did too, until recently. I realized that I was so blinded by the popularity of this color that I never actually thought about it, and subsequently made an opinion regarding how “I”, Ms Syeda Abida Bokhari AKA Aabi, look in it. Well, I look bad. I am never buying blue. And just like that I wish I could say I am never feeling blue… because it doesn’t suit me, at least not without a reason.
It got me flummoxed. If I had more “friends” that I have at Facebook and more guts than I have that I would have put my picture on the display and cover photo and would have been enjoying the “likes” and OMG -You –are- so- pretty comments right now. But the thing is I know due to the lack of “likers” and “commentators” at my Facebook account, I don’t have this luxury. And guts… FIRST mind you, here by “guts” I don’t mean in “OOO-I-am-not-putting-my-picture-because-I-could-be-easily-exploited” sorta way. Hell, I have given enough information about me in this space that I could be hurt, swindled, blackmailed and threatened very easily. I know very well that I am vulnerable. However, it is all just not daunting enough. What actually scares me the most is the fact that I am going to put the best of me on the display, in return I am going to receive a lot of, or considering my friends list, a few, fake and forced compliment and behind my back I KNOW I will be discussed in s/he-photoshop-s-her-pics-that’s-why, she’s-actually-photogenic-else-look-so-average-in-real, Did-you-see-her-dress-in-that-pic?-she-looks-so-paindo-andcheap etc diction. I don’t understand one thing, how come, people take compliments on their DP-s and CP-s as it is. I mean when they comment you look good/pretty/beautiful etc, they actually mean in THAT picture, not you IN REAL. They “like” the picture, NOT you. How in the world it could boost your ego? Can possibly flatter you? Especially getting a like or a one line comment from those who you haven’t talked to, interacted with, or met with in ages, or hardly even friends with. And ESPECIALL, ESPECIALLY, E-S-P-E-C-I-A-L-L-Y from those losers who are liking or commenting on everyone’s pictures, statuses and what not? OMG, it just hit me, despite being fairly active at Facebook now, I still hate its guts. I think, I should dedicate a separate post to Facebook. Yeah this isn’t enough. I love Facebook bashing.
So, anyways I was saying I am feeling blue. And putting my picture on the display and receiving likes and comments won’t boost my ego. As first I don’t have enough “friends” to compliment me and second, I can’t and won’t believe those compliments. So I am dropping the idea.
So what could make me get out of the blue at this hour? (See what I did there? I didn’t). I think I should take a break from self flagellation, and try a little narcissisms, so let’s just count my blessings.
So, I guess, I should stop even feeling blue now and wait for that day?
I never thought that the word “busy” would ever make an entry into my dictionary. Okay, I am exaggerating like always. I did. And I wanted to be busy. Being busy is good. And I thought I WAS busy. But it hit me last night while being busy is good, there is a fine line between being busy and being occupied. And I am actually occupied. That’s fatal.
I wake up at 6 in the morn and leave for the court at 7:30. 7:30 by choice. I can wait for the dial to get to 8 but thanks for the traffic, a timid driver like me, would prefer sacrificing her beauty…sleep than to be stuck in monstrous traffic in the morn. And then I drive back home fast and furious around 2:30. Then change, have my lunch, pick my cell and keys and drive to work. Then comes my favorite part of the day driving for the last time of the day to home. Its heaven especially when CNG stations stay closed here. Driving on smooth, empty roads having beautiful street lights on each side, glancing at the sky with its mighty duskiness which you windshield is exposed to and of course the breeze doing the happy dance for having survived the day, is all enthralling to be finally spending time with yourself in such an enchanting aura after a long tiring day. It gives you a sense of freedom. You mind starts to recall every good, bad and ugly (ies) of the day and at the same time. It is curious about the next day’s good, bad and ugly (and hopes it stays singular).
Finally I get home have some snacks and tea and then throw myself in my very accommodating bed. And sleep with at times frustration, disgust and hope in my eyes and there are times when I have joy, elation and hope in my eyes. You must have noticed that hope to me is like that loser of a guy to any acceptable looking girl who is not willing to give up on her. Yeah, it me who has just recently realized that it is not me who is just hopelessly hopeful, it is actually hope which is glued to me.
Hope knows that my hard work and existence would never ever be recognized by this big shot lawyer I am working for, but it doesn’t leave me. Hope sees that I spend half of my driving and rest half worrying how to park my car and how to get my car out of parking but still not willing to dump me. Hope realizes that a socially inept person like me can’t be anything but an office joke but won’t get rid of me. Hope understands that to struggle such a tough routine is like Court imposing a restraining order on the sada ki waili’s walapan wala behavior but still too stubborn to layoff.
I know I am being unthankful. Hope is exceptionally nice to me. I shouldn’t bash hope like this. But what should I do? It is hope which is driving me…literally and driving me crazy metaphorically. I am fine being busy. BUT THIS… THIS LIFE that I have been living for the past 2 months is NOT busy… it is occupying me. OCCUPYING EVERY INCH OF ME. I am not used to it. I WILL get used to it, I hope so. But this life’s on the run… precisely on drive is not giving me time to fix things. To do something about my awkwardness. To actually get time to socialize with my old friends and won’t bail out because of my tough routine, put nice dps and covers photos on the survival of the fit person Facebook. To develop the ability to make new friends at court and office. To do something to have my nominal existence acknowledged at workplace. To learn PARKING. To sort my life out. I am just not getting time. I should just yield, call it quits and sit home. But no thanks to hope… I won’t…I can’t.
Hope whispers that I should take it slow, and do things one by one.
So let’s start with my signature…I hope ONE day people will STOP making fun of it. I REALLY REALLY HOPE SO.
Here have a look at my signature.