31. December 2013
Spare me the pleasantries. I never liked you since your arrival. And now that you are departing, I can’t really say that I have developed any form of fondness for thou either. But that is not to say that I dislike you. I am rather skeptic about you, since the start. Yes, that is kinda odd for an extremist like me, who can either love or hate. But that’s what you were out and out, throughout, and not just in a numerical way, but in every possible way, I can imagine, odd.
2. And I had an idea about that, when I stepped into you. And that is the reason why unlike every year, when I map out my life for the next year, I didn’t bother this year. Odd, I know, but so are you. Or were you?
3. Dear or well not so dear 2013, in all fairness you had your moments that had an impact on me; they were good, but not great. You brought some good stuff in my life, but they were minor. You gave a direction, but did not tell me the destination.
4. I am lost. And that’s odd, just like your name and yourself, 2013. You had things and stuff that I would tag along all my life. But where, I don’t know. A lot of things happened, that were good but not in a goodie good way, but in a very outlandish way. Some of them happened too late to leave its mark on you. And the rest of them are still in the pipeline to make it up on your behalf. I had never expected them, and now I don’t understand the reason behind them.
5. Like, me adopting theater going habits. I thought books and movies were enough to please my sensory organ, but only GAWD and theater goers can understand how pleasurable it is, when you see a play is being performed on the stage, right in front of you. I fell in love with theater at first sight. It should have made me happy, but I was rather lamenting the fact that why-so-late? I knew I loved theater, before I saw it. I was told that it was pretty much expected of me, considering the way I am. I didn’t get what that meant, but then I didn’t get how the randomly I take up a new hobby, just like that. Now, I should feel good about myself because theater is all about being intellectual. However, I have to honest, I don’t and I can’t, because the reason why I love theater so much is the fact that it is so accidental.
6. Speaking of accidental events, I guess, getting a raise without even asking for it; would rank first in your realm 2013. It happened when my ego was not only shattered but also had completely wiped out. And trust me! I am not just saying it to provide any sort of comic relief. My existence at my workplace was (is?) as nominal was the mighty ego in me. I expected to get fired any minute. And no one would give two hoots about it here. I won’t speak, and nor will I be spoken too. I was being paid peanuts, and looked upon with pitiful eyes for it. And then, one day, one VERY VERY bad day, I got a raise. And I thought I got recognition. I can’t really say I was happy about the raise. I can’t be. Because it STILL is peanuts, peanuts enough that I don’t have to ask for pocket money, but still peanuts.
7. Peanuts and winters go hand in hand. And so does my existence in here.
8. I don’t know why I am still here. Umm, actually I do. It’s one of the top firms in Pakistan. However, I still don’t know WHY I am here. May be… I do. I recently got a raise. Okay, I don’t know why I am here all along while you were here too, 2013. Never before, I worked anywhere more than 3 weeks. Never ever I expected myself to work under someone who would only speak to me four words 500 times a day; “Relax Abida beta relax”. Never in my life, I thought I would work with a bunch of people who call me robot. No one around me and those who KNOW me expected me to work at one place for a whole year. My mum never expected me to work at all. I never thought I would work at a place where I was a never-was. But I did. Despite everything and everyone, I complete a year here. First time in my life, I actually worked for a whole year. THAT’S GOTTA BE ODD.
9. Oddity was prevalent all over you 2013… may be because of your name.
10. Very oddly, I made a few friends this year, after a long long time . And not really oddly but very usually I broke up with them. And I don’t understand the reason. Umm… if anything, it only regain my belief that perhaps, people were still attracted to me and saw me worth being friends with.
11. I don’t know what to feel, happy or sad. Things happened…. I learned a lot except parking, I adopted a new hobby, I completed a year at my work place, I got my first pay, I got a raise … well yea that too first time in my life, I met a LOT of people this year, I faced a lot of tough times I never imagined I would, but came out even stronger, I drove a lot but didn’t learn parking, and the first kid of the next generation of bokhari-s arrived too this year and I felt a lil old. Things happened… in a way… that I don’t know to feel happy or sad about them. 2013, you felt me perplexed. There was handful of things that I tried in every possible way to get, and I was about to, but waiter turned to the next table. I had almost got them, and yet I didn’t. I should be sad, but then if those things had worked out, the rest of them weren’t possible. So, I don’t know whether lament the fact that they didn’t work out, but should cherish the ones I got right. You know the phrase gawd must have better plans for thou Errr? I KNOW… even I want what I want, keep the better ones for better times. But what about between what you want in exchange for that what you REALLY REALLY want?
12. Damn. I just read the last 3 lines of the para above, and it sounds like I am stoned. Okay, what I’m trynna say izz dat…. What I wanted could wait, I realized, and what I really REALLY wanted couldn’t…so I guess 2013, you realized the gravity of the situation and gave me what I really really wanted. Kthnx for that. But why? Why? Why? So ambiguously? For a drama queen like me, good things has to happen very dramatically. And not with just stillness.
13. It’s like you were a warm up year… preparing for the next. It’s kinda odd. I mean you didn’t care about your significance, despite having a lot of significant events stored in. I guess, you should have cared about your relevance. You know they say, that name has impact on your personality? I guess that holds true for thou. You were filled with oddity. And that’s all I can say about you.
Don’t know what to feel… happy or sad.