Work and other things….

Hello to all you beautiful (if not on the outside, at least on the inside) people out there. I know, it’s been a long long looooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg time that I am interacting with you all. Life is busy, and so is me. And even when I am not, I have mastered the art to at least look busy. AND it’s not working. So that should explain why I am here.

Yeah. Another post full of my whines, how-unfairly-life-is-treating-me and all that kinda stuff. So, why should you read this post? Well, you shouldn’t.

Or maybe you can. If you are one of those who take solace in others’ misery. As it happens, I am one of those. But I can’t find a blog like mine (trust me I didn’t say it in a bragging sort of way). But you have (again, not bragging). Congratulations.

So, it’s been two years that I have worked here. And despite having whatever little moments I had, I feel I have achieved nothing. Sounds like you have read this at this blog like a million of times? I KNOW. Some things are constant.

Like I still believe that I am here for a bigger purpose, to make a difference and to leave a mark. And if not, then at least, I am here for at least one award acceptance speech, even if it is at the Golden Raspberry Awards. *Go figure*

Since I were a kid, I have seen myself looking very pretty of course, but also, walking down the aisle, while everyone is clapping and cheering for me and deliver a memorable speech. How cool is that.

You know, if I were speaking all this in real, there would be an awkward silence. But since, I am not; we can all pretend that this indeed IS cool.

Speaking of cool, I recently bought iPhone 6, Gold. And it is REALLY cool, and awesome and so rad.  I have received an enormous amount of attention with a pinch of jealousy. I get this-is-beauty-and-so-cool with a but on it. And it is totally cool with me because I get this on me too. Teehee. I am a showoff because I can afford it. Never apologize for who you are, unless you are hahaha, nah just don’t.

So anyways, I was saying I have been extremely busy…

Is that boring? Trust me, I want to blame it all on creative inertia and all those fancy words, but then it will take up all the space I want to use for the latest gossip at my office. So, here,

SOMEBODY GOT FIRED. AND NO, DESPITE MY PREDICTION, IT IS NOT ME.

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Save it. I have already mentioned that I take solace in others’ misery. And especially when it is someone who was at my karma-list.
I know I know, it looks bad, I LOOKS BADZZ but then, world is bad, therefore, I am bad, and I want someone really bad, are you really bad? O’well, don’t get any fancy idea… that is just my favorite pick up line that went with the flow.

But I have to say, out of all the terminations after I got here, this one is the only that didn’t made me panicky, nervous or sad. May be a little surprised, because it was a little unexpected.

This just-got-fired-person was one of the bosses, or so he thought and professed he was here. He would boss everyone around. As per him, he would boss the boss around. I never saw him arguing a case, but he told me that he has won many cases, but he doesn’t like telling anyone unlike others.

So, when he got fired, the first thing came into my mind was to tell R (kindly check my previous blog entries to know his full story) about it. Because you see, when R got fired, He, the person on my karma list (hereinafter: Mr. OMKL) was most happy about, bashed R and said that he deserved it. So, the other day when I was coming out of a court room, I ran into R. And guess what’s the first thing he asked me, how is Mr. OMKL? Haha, and no prizes to guess what I answered.

However, to my surprised, R did not celebrate it…as much. In fact, no one at my office did…as much, despite knowing that Mr. OMKL never supported anyone here and always complained to Boss about everybody, showed happiness. If anything, they talked about bringing him back, on old-itarian (if anything of that sort exists, or ever will) grounds. Mr. OMKL was (is?) in his 70s. It’s hard to find a job at this age. Mr. OMKL would claim he is not valued as he should be for his experience and competence though, and this office cannot function without him. Well it does.

And despite that, people are sympathizing with him, and want him back.

Perks of being an oldie gold oldie.

So, anyways as I have already made quite clear that I don’t want him here. But things don’t… NEVER go as I want them to be. I started writing this blog post 3 days ago, and left it incomplete as you know I have learned the art of pretending to be busy…so anyways, today, he’s back.

And I am back to where I was… after my few days of happiness.

Work it out…

A senior “R” at my firm recently got fired. He’s the second associate in my firm whose employment has been terminated. And I have a premonition that third would be me. It’s not that I had anything in common with the two employees who got fired, except that their existence was also excruciatingly nominal.

However, Mr. R’s existence was not exactly nominal, if you minus the work bit. He was short, by almost all means. And now, I am guessing that he IS short, by all means, since he just lost his job. Oh and NO, this isn’t an attempt to mock him. If anything, this blog post is my tribute to him. So I was saying…. Writing? Or should I say blabbering about this ERR, I mean “R” person.

Apart from his incompetence and misogyny, I think, despite or should I say including the attributes mentioned, he was a good muslim. He was a 5 times ka namazi-pareezi, even tahajjud pareezi, all 30 roza-s pareezi and save-the-honor-of-Prophet Muhammad-sms about 100 times a day and night pareezi. I would read his texts, first thing is the morning, and last thing at night. HIS TEXTS— served me nothing but another feather in the cap of self-pity that it was his—a man in 60-s but claims in his 50-s, short heighted, more islamists than the Taliban—texts that I “have to” read first thing in the morning and the last thing before going to sleep. WT%$#%$@&%$*^%(&*^%, what my life has come to? Or should I say what has come in my life? Well nothing. My life is like a sun… static. And I feel so frustrated. And I wanted to use a big word, instead of frustrated but I am so frustrated that I can’t think of any. And then I think of Mr. R, in his 60-s, or as per him 50-s, towards the end of his career, and then he gets fired and now, have to start from zero again. Literally from zero. He doesn’t own a car, lives in a lower middle class area, despite he was senior, at least senior in age, he didn’t have a separate office but instead would sit with the junior associates, and his pay scale was almost the same as mine, and you know I “still” get peanuts. Despite all, he has not lost his faith. Last time when I spoke to him regarding his next-step, he told me that he is glad that he got more time for prayers now, he is also keeping (extra?) fasts and has complete faith in god that he will find him another job. So, I asked him did he apply anywhere? To which he said, as I said “I have complete faith in god”. OH MY GAWD.

Now, you may all think that he may not be as interesting as I am trying to write him up. But he is. He does have his bollywoodish side. Once I overheard him talking to other people in the firm, about some Indian movie he recently watched. So, this one person asked him if he has any fav actor, he told him that he used to like Dilip Kumar, Rajeesh Khanna and Amitabh Bachan. He thinks in this generation, no one can match their acting abilities, and most of them were show off-s. Then another person asked him with a meaningful smile if he likes any female actors, to which he very nonchalantly answered, “these days I guess Kareena and Katrina are very popular so yea, they are naaaicee”. AND it hit me, that baba jee liked actors from his times but his taste in female actors is quite up-to-date.

Errr, so anyhow. I guess I took his termination very seriously. I mean, It’s only been one and a half year that I have worked here, and it makes me so frus…tra…ted, (I still can’t think of a big word) that I have not achieved anything. Imagine what it would be like for a person like Mr. R. Imagine if that happened to

me… NO, DON’T IMAGINE. Okay, let’s imagine… as I don’t feel like working today. So, me in my 60-s but tell people that I am in my 50-s, have my work desk with juniors, have same pay scale as I would have 30 years ago, have no reputation, have no achievement, have lost my prime years where one enjoys career at peak and have ended up getting fireddddddd.

Oh gawd… I think I should get back to work.

How are you????

How are you?

Whenever I am encountered by this question, I don’t know what to answer. Mostly, I nod with my hideous but polite smile. And murmur something… pretend to murmur something.  No one knows what, because no one cares to know. And thank god for that because even I don’t know what I murmur.

Umm, I kinda sorta take this very question, literally. And I kinda sorta expect the other person to be asking me this, genuinely. I KNOW…

 

But at the same time, I am secretly thankful that it is not meant to be literal and genuine. Because, whoa, what am I ever going to say if it is.

I mean how are you? Well, I am a below average looking girl who can’t help it. How are you? Yeah, extremely frustrated lady being paid peanuts and who still have to take pocket money at this age. How are you? Under severe complexes, thanks to Facebook, adding a graphic touch to it.

Sometimes, I wonder how I would be if I had any siblings. Especially, better ones. I mean really, having a better looking sister is like being in quite a situation for the rest of your life, especially ESPECIALLY if she ends up with a handsome bloke who earns handsome amount. Or having a bro with better IQ, getting into the field that enjoys the status of being profession and subsequently attains high status and bank balance. OR knowing that your other sibling is parents’ favorite and given preference over you? GAWD, what would I say then I were asked “how are you?” then. O’ well, I am inferior to my siblings and people are often shocked to know that we are related!

OMG THAT WOULD BE A BUMMER.

Ah… the curious case of “how are you?” At least, at the moment.

How are you? How am I…I can’t tell. Fine Thank you? How are you? Also fine? Also thank you? Reallie?

Are you sure?

Are you not suffering from bouts of depressions? Are you not looking to find a way to cope up with it? That’s how you are.

You are not fine, good or GREAT. You are ditched by life on so many levels that you have lost the count. You are being treated unfairly by your family, friends and everyone around you. You are being constant judge on your looks, personality and competence that you have stopped caring. You are being confined to social conventions, class status and bogus inquisitions that you can’t reach out to what you had always desired. You are not living a life you dreamed of. You are hit, bitten and squeezed by reality. You are being mocked by life saying “haha-hehe…so-how-exactly-do-you-want-me-to-be? That’s how you are.

How are you? Right now I am in the process of being pretentiously victimized. But in actuality I am not so.

How am I? Well, sometimes I am too blunt and too hard on people. But that’s not exactly how I am. For most part, it is just a reaction. Reaction to an action because every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Only, in my case, it is slightly more than equal. But HEY I never started it. So how am I? I am harsh with fat people. Because hey… calling yourself chubby doesn’t make you look good. FAT IS UNHEALTHY. Stop cribbing about the fact that how less you eat but magically its double shows on you. AND PUHLEEZ be done with your lectures how a skinny should not be skinny yada yada yada.  BECAUSE it makes you look fat? HOW ARE YOU? YOU ARE FAT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

  
 And how am I? I am sardonic towards people with past relationships. I loathe them for ruining all their special moments with the wrong person. I pity them for being crazy for someone who was not the one. I find it funny how they use the same words, same compliments, same promises, same dreams, same plans, same feelings and perhaps the same moments for the right one, which were once deserved for someone not worth it. And I am amused how they try to convince me how it was all worth it, how it has changed them for a better person and how… Oh well, cut the crap, you have dedicated a special part of your life on the wrong person. Tell me how is that better? I am single. BUT HOW ARE YOU? YOU ARE JUST A REPEATED TELECAST, WITH NOTHING SPECIAL, NOTHING NEW BUT ONLY BLUE FOR THE ONE. And that’s just sad. So you are sad.     

And how am I? I am quite proud of the fact that I am an only child. NO, I never missed having sibling around when I was growing up. I was a pretty, social and popular kid (YES, THERE IS A COMMA BETWEEN PRETTY AND SOCIAL AND NO IT’S NOT A TYPO). The sense of owning everything is a point of pride with me. And how are you? You are in constant denial that parents love all their kids equally and all are paid equal attention. You all are compared by your parents, behind your backs and hell, even in front, on who is the smarter, who is the prettier and who is whatever. You get jealous when you have to share everything at home and when your parents spend more on your other sibling than you. You grew up with a silent competition with your siblings, in order to get noticed, get attention and get more. So, I AM ALONE BUT I AM ALWAYS IN THE LIMELIGHT. BUT YOU ARE ALONE IN THE CROWD. HA HA HA THAT’S HOW YOU ARE. AND GUESS WHAT? YOU CAN NEVER RUN AWAY FROM IT.

Umm, how am I? Well, I am screwed.  As I had to write four rejoinders… and apologies for the abrupt ending… but that’s how I am.